Shyra Ely-Gash

I don’t know the type of relationship you have with God. I’m not sure how you communicate with Him. I’d like to think my Father and I are pretty close. We talk about, eh, 7 times a day, give or take. You know, a good-morning-thanks-for-waking-me-up chat, little random chats throughout the day and when I’m not a complete fatty and remember to thank Him for my food. I randomly call on Him and praise Him, thank Him for being an awesome Father. I thank Him all the time--the good and the bad. Yeah, we’re real cool. Wouldn’t you agree, Father? My child, you can come closer, yet. Well, I worship You when I can. You know how the season is, we play on most Sundays and when I’m overseas we have our little worship concerts. Yes, but we can still be closer. Father, I think of You often, I’m working on becoming a better Christian--which is a work in progress, I told You I wanted to get into Your word more and read the entire bible, remember? Of course, My child. See, yeah, so we’re good. I have a testimony, thank You for where You have brought me and where You will lead me! Praise Him!. . .

Wow!! Really?! Really?! Father! Yes, Shyra! I was just thinking about you! Father! What are You doing?! Here I was just as happy as can be, I mean, I thought we were good! No, no, this isn’t happening. Not again, Father, please! Wait, I’m sorry. Lord, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell, I’m just saying. Shhh...I know you are upset, My child, but trust Me! If you need to vent, I’m here to listen. This isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last.  Of course, I trust You--it’s ju--I just signed my new contract, I’m finally playing and feeling like my old self!  Father, training camp starts next week! Do You not remember 2010?! Two years to the day from my last knee injury. I won’t have a job, we are still recovering from our wedding--which was awesome, by the way, thank You!--but, Father! My child, I remember 2010. I remember the promises we made to each other. I kept My promise, did you? Lord, You know my heart! I had every intention of keeping my promise, but, Lord, You know I get distracted easily. I knew you before you were a thought. How else would I have gotten your attention? Clearly, your priorities have shifted. I am leading you through what you believe is a difficult time so you can rededicate your life to Me and strengthen My Kingdom. For [your] light and momentary troubles are achieving for [you] an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Cor 4:17) Yes, Lord, the flesh is so strong, it's hard to believe right now. Please, help me believe--I want to believe. Be still and wait for My direction. Excuse me for questioning You, but I made very specific requests with praise and thanksgiving in my prayers. You answered those prayers, why did You take them away? My plan for you is flawless, far better than any hope or dream you could want for yourself. Shyra, you have lost sight of what is most important--your walk with Me. Your need for control is in vain under My rule. I want you to do something for Me. Yes, Father, anything. Find Me. You think you and I have a great relationship, but you have no idea what I can offer for those who submit and live through Me. Take a serious self-inventory. I know the truth, be honest with yourself. Have you been the best christian you can be? Well, I’m ashamed, no, Sir. Do you remember what you promised Me? Yes, Sir. This won’t be easy for you, but, because I love you so much, I’ve already blessed you with My grace. My grace alone is all you need. When you are weak, I am strong. Surrender all of your cares and worries to me and accept the peace that I give you. Let Me lead your path, I will always be right there to catch you or carry you on our way. Include Me in everything you do, think, and say. Trust and believe in Me and know that I am God! I love you! Thank you, Father! I'm not worthy, I love you too!

 Amen

Welp, here I am again, two years to the day. Yup, crazy right? Ruptured my right patella tendon on April 8, 2010--repaired April 16, 2010. Fast-forward, April 16, 2012, I tore my left anterior crucial ligament (ACL)--repaired May 7, 2012. But I’m not here to complain, I just want to give some background for the newbies.

This injury is nothing like my first one. A ruptured patella repair is pretty extensive and I don’t really want to go into it...again. So, if you need a refresher, just click some of my older blog posts. :-) They’ll answer any questions you have. Ok, I’m back, so yeah, the physical rehab will be cake for me. If I can come back from a ruptured patella tendon, I’m goooooood. By the way, I’m super thankful that was my first injury. Relatively speaking, ACL rehab isn’t as slow and grueling as my patella tendon repair, or at least that’s been my experience. Praise Him :-)

I believe this rehab is different. My patella tendon injury was about my knee. It was a matter of time, that knee had been giving me fits! Came back from that 20 lbs lighter and feeling like my old self. I was overseas baaaallllling! Granted, the league wasn’t all that but I was working on my game and my weaknesses. I was in killer shape, grabbing the rim with two hands, flying down the court, just giving it to whoever, however, lol! No, seriously, I was just proud of how far I had come physically and how hard I worked. That’s why I know that this ACL injury is not about my knee. I know I’ll get back in pro shape, easy! I’ve done it before. This rehabilitation is about my faith.

A couple things stick out in my mind. There was alot of anger. Thankfully, I’m not angry anymore. It took me a very long time to be able to talk about being injured without breaking down. I was struggling, I was feeling sorry for myself, I was guilting, I had every symptom of depression. I had so many different emotions. I didn’t know how to organize and deal with them. I don’t think I gave myself all the time I needed to process everything. I just tried to be this big super hero, even still thinking that I could do it on my own. I had this awesome 2 hour skyping session with my Daddy, we talked intimately like we always do. We prayed together and he encouraged me like only he can. For a few days I felt good but my empty feelings returned. I was ready to give ball up and everything. Being the control-freak that I am, I was like, Ok, God, 2 knee injuries in 2 years? I guess You want me to stop playing? I don’t necessarily feel that way today. I’ll get into greater detail later. I had these worthless feelings before I had a super honest convo with my Heavenly Father. I had to be truthful with myself. Are you the best Christian you can be? Are you really about that life? You want people to see you has this great Christian that has it all together, but have you really committed? Yeah, you’re a PK and raised in the church but have you really given your life to the fullest? Nope. Well try it. God obviously wants and has my attention.

Praise God for His amazing grace! He strategically placed people and little bursts of encouragement around me. I love music. I’d heard of this guy Mali Music. Didn’t know anything about him really. My brother got a copy of his cd and brought it over to me and told me to listen. I threw it on my dresser and figured I’d get around to it. By this time, I had adopted the mantra--”one day at a time.” Well, this particular day was horrible!!! From the second I woke up, the devil had me in his grasp. I was just feeling sorry for myself, crying uncontrollably, destructive thoughts just snowballing in my mind. I started praying through my tears. I just wanted some encouragement. I just wanted some kind of something to let me know that He hears me. I listen to some gospel music to get my mind right, that soothed me for the rest of the day.

The next day, I’m just lounging around the house--not really doing anything. I decided to put that Mali Music on while I cleaned up the kitchen. I’m cleaning and half-heartedly listening. As I’m listening I realize that this is basically unconventional gospel. It’s got a neo-soul feel. A few lyrics stick out to me so I decide to look up the lyrics to his album, ‘The 2econd Coming.” The lyrics to each song described some type of spiritual struggle or frustration that was specifically on my heart. The more I listened, the better I felt, and my hunger for the word grew. So began my spiritual renewal...

This blog will document my “spiritual rehab”. I want to provide a very honest and open experience of how I overcame my broken spirit. I’m very thankful and blessed that God has entrusted His work in me. I want to share my journey and glorify His name.

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of you heart. Commit our way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act."  Psalm 37: 3-5, ESV

God continues to order my steps and I am amazed at His grace. With all due respect to each of the 3 organizations I’ve had the privilege of playing for; I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for 6 years. Full of blissful emotion, look in the dictionary and find any word that has any kind of relevance to pure happiness and that would best describe me! I’m thankful first and foremost for God affording me another opportunity to play on this platform. PRAISE HIM!

It has been a very challenging 10 months but I wouldn’t change a minute. I would be here for a while detailing all the ups and downs and perspective-altering moments throughout my journey. The hard work, dedication, and determination only intensifies now. I’m nowhere near where I want to be or where I know I belong. This fire in my gut is being fueled by my own sense of underachievement, my recovery from a devastating injury, my hunger, and my dreams coming to fruition. It’s hard to verbalize the way I feel right now. Shoot! I was a babbling mess in my thank you prayer to Him when I got the news. It’s cool though, He knows my heart! God has been so amazing to me that in a sense, I feel unworthy of His grace. But, I know I’m worthy because I was made in His image. I also know that feeling otherwise can block my blessings. I’m totally grateful for a second chance at displaying my God-given talents while glorifying His name.

To my surprise, there are some people that didn’t think that I would recover from my injury. In my mind there was never an option not to come back and try this again, Lord-willing of course. I was definitely humbled by my injury. I think while athletes are aware of the possibility of being hurt, you never think it will happen to you. I know I’ve mentioned this before in my blogs, but God definitely has way of grabbing your attention. Honestly, I don’t know if I would be playing today if I hadn’t gone down. I think if I hadn’t gotten hurt, I probably wouldn’t be in the mental space that I am today. Before my injury, ball had become a grind and a job. After having no choice but to sit and watch, I appreciate my livelihood in ways that I overlooked and took for granted before. Of course there are pros and cons to everything but my injury magnified those pros. I’m thankful for that. You never know when you're going to go down, so you have to play each day like it’s your last game.

I’m grateful for the Fever giving me this opportunity. I know that nothing can be taken for granted. I still have to prove to the coaching staff that I belong on that roster. So this isn’t a time to relax, in fact, my work load has increased. I’m staring this challenge right in the eyes. I’m ready to work, I’m ready to improve, I’m ready to finish what I started. I am inhaling this moment. I am 100% alive right now. I am allowing nothing but love, positivity, hope, and optimism to surround me.

I’m happy to be home!

xoxoxo

Shy

Well, I'm a ball of emotions...Where do I start? Today is Dec 28th, about...oh Idk...264 days ago on April 8th, I ruptured my patella tendon. I watched what would have been my 6th year in the WNBA become an 8th month journey to get back on the court. I may just shed a tear. The thought of where this year has taken me just makes me super emotional. Only by His grace, I've been fortunate to be 27 and this is my first significant injury...

I've learned so much while embarking on this journey. I remember every detail. I remember the actual drive to the basket in the Vegas tourney where I went down. I remember knowing immediately that I wouldn't be able to finish the game. I remember hearing the pop. I remember when I hit the ground I couldn't control my leg as it fell to the ground. I remember that horrible feeling of not knowing what to do or what was next. I remember how hysterical I was in that moment. I remember my phone call to my mother. I remember my doctor telling me the extent of my injury and how I was physically ill leaving his office. I remember how anxious I was for surgery--couldnt sleep. I remember the pain I was in 2 days after my surgery when my hospital meds wore off...I remember screaming in agony when I woke up in the middle of the night and tried to get up to use the bathroom. It took me 10 minutes to crutch 5 steps. I remember how disappointed I was knowing I was gonna miss the following season after one of my best seasons the summer before. I remember when Chicago waived me. I remember not being able to watch one single WNBA game because it hurt too much. I remember how isolated I felt.  I remember how I felt like I had lost my identity. I remember every doctor and rehab visit. I remember how a simple of task of flexing my quad muscle was impossible. I remember being mad at my knee from not obeying my commands. I remember finally being able to shower comfortably or even showering at all. I remember that fugly leg stablizer I wore for months. I remember walking with the brace and without the brace for the first time. I remember how painful it was to bend my knee just 45 degrees...I remember bending it to 90 degrees. I remember having a second surgery to have the cable removed that was stabilizing my tendon while it healed. I remember being able to exercise on the elliptical. I remember my frustration, eagerness, and anxiety. I remember the financial hit that I took. I remember running for the first time. I remember playing pick up for the first time. I remember the renewed love for ball that I felt. I remember just how invaluable my support system is. I remember the overwhelming outpouring of LOVE and support from my family, friends, and fans. Most of all, I remember how God has carried me, loved me, comforted me, reassured me, blessed me, saved me, He has been my place of refuge, He continues to order my steps. He has been right by my side whether I knew it or not. My heavenly father saw me broken and devastated and He picked me up, dusted me off, kissed my knee, and He not only told me but showed me that I am in His hands. "Cast your burdens on the Lord and He shall sustain you." Psalm 55:22, this is my favorite verse because it sums up my testimony. He simply kept me...I hope I never forget this experience.

Today I arrived in Turkey. I'll be here for the next 3 months playing professional basketball again...To God be the Glory!!!

MY SMILE IS SO BIG RIGHT NOW!! I'M SO THANKFUL, GOD IS SO GOOD!!

It's been 4 months (goodness gracious!) since my knee was surgically repaired. Praise Him! When I think about it, I'm in disbelief. Wow! I've come so far!

I saw Dr. Klootwyk today, the best ortho ever! I was really looking forward to seeing him. Our visits are once a month now. I've been killing my rehab. My assignment from our last visit was to increase my range of motion and strengthen my quad. I've been on it! My tendon has healed. My knee feels great. Going into my 4 month visit, I felt like I was ready to take the next step. My knee is getting stronger and every day is lil easier. I'm starting to acknowledge Shy-Knee-Qua as a normal, capable knee. I just had a feeling this was gonna be a great visit. Progress, baby, one step at a time!

So Dr. K asks me, "How do you feel?" I'm like, "Great doc, what's next? I'm ready for the next step." He said after talking to my PT, Mark, both of them agreed that I'm healing awesomely. My scar looks great (relatively speaking) and my quad muscle definition is returning. So Dr. K says, "OK, get after it." Um...excuse me, what?! Get after what? He told me to go play some 1 on 1 and 2 on 2, just ease into it. I don't think I heard him correctly. I couldn't control my excitement and my smile. I tried so hard to be serious...lol! Y'all know I have a difficult time being serious...ha! I was like wait doc I've been straight walking for 4 months and now you tell me to just go play some 1 on 1?? The most I've done was, you know, a lil shooting around, spin the ball to myself and heal-toe some 15 footers. I go hard on the elliptical and bike, but that's about it besides my normal lift and rehab. I've been so cautious because they were so strict with my limits while my tendon was healing. I remember asking Mark when I was gonna be able to run again. He told me that running would be one of the last things I do. So, you can imagine my confusion when Doc told me to get after it. Doc explained that he wants me to do all my running on the court. My knee doesnt need the unnecessary running and pounding, esp with my history of tendonitis. (Which, for the record, has always been my argument to former coaches when we were ordered to run in practice, unnecessarily...lol! I told you so! :-P )

So, Doc released me to the court you guys!!!!!!!! That's the awesomely, fantastic, best, God is bomb news that I had to tell you!!!

I'm not gonna dive in, though. My mental won't let me anyway. I didnt know I could run until Dr. K told me...lol! When I came home from my appointment, I wanted to see if Doc was right so...I jogged around my living room...bahahaha! Yeah, and...we filmed it! If felt good! Yall, the last time I ran was 4 months ago. I'm just gonna go back to 6th grade and ease back into it. I'm so excited to get started. What are the odds that the gym I go to is redoing their bball court floors?? I definitely shed a tear today, a happy tear. Four months ago Doc told me that I ruptured my patella tendon and my season was over. Today he told me that I can get back on the court and start practicing again! Maybe in a month I'll be playing full contact pick up! (fist pump) Out of all the days that you wait for in life, 16th bday, HS graduation, 21st bday, wedding day, 1st child day, this day is one that I have been patiently waiting for. I'm so blessed and thankful to be where I am today. I definitely remember my surgery...oh and then my 2nd surgery to remove my cable. I remember when I couldn't even lift my leg. I'll never forget this experience, I mean how could I? I think I've been rehabbing mentally this whole time but now the true test begins. I can't worry about what happened to my knee. My knee feels brand new and it is healthy and strong! I'm not injured anymore. I'm looking forward to this process of getting better! I'm just striving for improvement everyday.

  FEARLESS...

**It's my Burfday!!!**

We all know this is August, the best month ever! Why? Well, I was born in August, of course! (spoken like the true Leo that I am) My birthday was August 9th! (also doubles as a Nat'l holiday) I'm 27 years old! You know when you're younger you think, "I never want to get old." Now that I'm "seasoned" and "mature" (lol) I realize that it's not about growing old, it's about being here! I'm so thankful and blessed to be alive and well! I want to thank my beloved family and friends for making my bday spectacular!! I received so much LOVE! For those that don't know, I celebrate my bday all month and I accept gifts all month! I'm having a bday party next weekend that I'm super excited for! I hope that every person that I've ever encountered will come celebrate and have a fab time!

I love yall!

xoxoxox

Shy

Hey yall!

First let me say sorry for not blogging in a while. Let me fill you in on what’s been going on since my last blog.

So I’m 10 weeks post-op! Praise Him! My knee feels great. I’ve been walking without my brace for about 3 weeks now. I’ve been working out around 4 or 5 times a week. I usually go to the gym to lift upper body 3 times a week and I rehab 2-4 times a week, I usually get them both in. If I don’t go to a facility to rehab, I just rehab at home on my own. I’ve gradually been working in some lower body exercises, I can feel my leg getting stronger everyday. I’ve gotten on the stair-master, and slowly on an elliptical. I’ve been climbing stairs one foot over the other. I can leg press (I was really proud of that!) All things that we just take for granted. I’ve started doing pool workouts, which I absolutely love! The water is so relaxing. The only thing about the water is that dang chlorine and my hair!!! Anywho, I’m gonna tell ya’ll, never underestimate the power and significance of your quad muscle. I’m just trying to get my quad stronger than ever. I’m trying to get back behind the wheel but that probably won’t happen for a lil while longer. I’m getting the cable removed from my knee on Wednesday! I can’t wait for this. When the doc repaired my knee, he placed a cable around my knee to ensure that it heals properly. It usually comes out around 2 months after surgery.

Wednesday...the cable is coming out today!!!!

I was soooooo ready to get this cable out. The cable limited my range of motion to about 90 degrees. I wasn’t completely thrilled about going under anesthesia again, but it is what it is. The procedure took about 30 minutes maybe less, idk, I was knocked out! lol! Doc let me keep my cable...lol! I don’t know what I will do with it. I just thought it would be cool to keep and I’m weird like that...ha! Anyway I’m not in any real pain. Just normal soreness from my incision, but I’m weight-bearing and I can walk if I need to. I’m hoping this isn’t the calm before the storm. This could get ugly if I’m on hospital meds and they wear off. I haven’t had to take any pain medication since I woke up from surgery...Yay! My knee actually feels better than ever, since it has been repaired. So, now that my cable is out my PT and I will start working on my range of motion and strengthening my quad, we’ll be hitting it hard. I will be able to get on the court and move around. He said it will still be a few weeks before I’ll start running. Docs and PTs are usually pretty aggressive in ruptured patella tendon rehab. I’m ready to go! I know it won’t be easy and sometimes I’m gonna hate it but I’m focused! All I can see is victory. I’m not hungry, I’m starving! I can wait to kill again! I’m excited for the future. Maybe this injury is what I needed to fall in love with basketball again. I thank God for that, it was already written. Before my injury, basketball had become a grind and a job. I think I took ball for granted. That’s hard to admit but it’s real. It’s a weird feeling. I’m almost ashamed to feel that way because basketball has been so good to me. I feel like I’ve underachieved in this league. I don’t think I’ve measured up to my potential. I’m my own worst critic. I owe basketball, I haven’t held up my end of the bargain. I’m excited for what’s next. My goal is to go overseas at the earliest, November and the latest, January.

Now I’m rambling...

I just wanna say that I am amazed at how many WNBA players that have had season ending injuries this year. Maybe it’s because I’m injured myself and I’m more aware. I’m more sensitive to other people’s injuries past, present, and future. I find myself thinking in retrospect, I really wish I would have checked on so and so a little more. As an injured athlete, who is in season, you kind of feel isolated. It’s like everyone is going on with their business and moving on and here I am stationary. Sometimes it feels as if you were easily forgotten. I try not to get caught up in those thoughts because that’s life. People are doing what they’re supposed to do and I should do the same, move on and get better.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Loree Moore, Candace Parker, Alana Beard, Candice Wiggins, Seimone Augustus (who just returned), and anyone else recovering from injuries. My apologies if I’ve left anyone out. Seimone motivates me, I’m so happy for her and her recovery. She is back in full force, that’s encouraging.

I’ve seen 1 game this summer so far. I don’t count that preseason game I went to. I went to a Fever game when they played the Storm. I debated going until 6:30p and the game was at 7:00p. It’s just been hard to watch. I’m glad I went though. I got to see my old team and kick it with some of my closest friends, so that was good for my spirit. So, now I think I can watch some more, especially now that I’m on my way to the court. Praise God for that! I kind of feel bad not watching. I’ve always kept up with the Sky, my good friends who are playing, and the goings on of the League.

I chopped my hair off!!! Not sure why. Now I’m constantly being mistaken for my mother...lol! I’m not sure how to process that. Yes, my mother is beautiful and I do look a lot like her, however, I’m not a middle aged woman (No offense Mommy :-) Although, I do hope to age as gracefully as you and all of the women in our family.

The day before my surgery I got some micro braids so I wouldn’t have to deal with my hair while I was parked in my bed. I guess I was in a mad rush when I was taking my braids out because I cut my hair doing so. So, when I went to my stylist I just told her to do her thing. Well, she chopped me...haha! The first day I was like ok I’m cool I got a cute lil pixie cut. The second day I was like OMGEEEEE, I’ve cut ALL of my hair off, I seriously freaked out. I’ve never, ever worn my hair this short before. Surprisingly enough, the pixie has grown on me and I love it! It’s a lil more high maintenance than one would think but I don’t mind primping ;-) I’m a trendsetter and fashionista so I’ll make it work!

Looking forward to Ustreaming and chatting sometime soon!

Thanks for sharing in my recovery and promise not to ever go that long without talking to yall again!!

“Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.” -Unknown

XOXOXO

Shy

Today wasn’t my best day. I’m not sure what to think of it. I kind of woke up today not really feeling this. I know that I’m gonna have some bad days. I guess I’m disappointed in myself for allowing this injury to get the best of me. I’m trying to figure it out. It could be the accumulation of a few things. Sometimes I suppress my feelings because in my mind, it is a sign of weakness to show them. I’ve always been someone that people lean on for strength. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t cry or have self-pity. I realize that sometimes crying is necessary. This situation just sucks. Plain and simple. If you just take it for what it is and isolate this injury, this is some bull! Today was an emotional roller-coaster day. I can honestly say that I tried to make the most of it. I tried to snap out of it. It’s like I know everything I’m supposed to think, say, and feel. The reality is that’s not where I am at this moment. I think I need to be here so that I can address these feelings within me, regardless of the fact that these aren’t my most positive thoughts. So this is how I feel...at this moment...

I woke up this morning not feeling like myself. I have no clue why. I started reading my book that I started a few days ago, “How to Listen to God,” by Charles Stanley. (Thank you, Aunt Brenda and Aunt Linda for sending me that book among other inspirational trinkets.) Every morning, I have a devotional of some kind. Even while reading, my mind was racing and I found myself having to read the same paragraph over and over because I wasn’t paying attention. That was interesting because the very chapter I was reading covered the different ways God gets our attention. One of the ways was a restless spirit. I have been feeling restless for the last few days...

Today is Wednesday. I usually lift on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I didn’t want to go today. I didn’t feel like seeing random people and answering all kinds of questions about my knee. Nothing against anyone I would see, I was just in my own little world. That should have alerted me because I have been dying to get out the house, and I’ve been so excited about lifting and finally being able to exercise a little. I decided to do my rehab and lift at home. All in all, my rehab was great. I feel like I made progress and I really pushed myself. I’m pretty sure I bent it to 60 degrees and that is the goal for the week...

Lately, I have been experimenting with my knee. I’m trying to figure out what it can and cannot do. The trust isn’t there. Even though I know that it is physically in tact, I just can’t trust her yet. My brain is literally telling my leg to do something as simple as lifting my leg off of the floor but my leg won’t respond. I don’t even know how to identify the way that made me feel. It was as if my knee was another person and I was upset with that person for ignoring me. It’s hard for me to comprehend. I mean I guess I know what’s going on physically, but it’s difficult for me to accept that. I think that comes from being an athlete. How do you go from being so sure of something like walking or bending your knee to wondering if your knee is strong enough to support you at all. It’s too much, too fast...

I’m proud of my knee today. I really feel like I’m healing and getting stronger. I’m not proud of my emotional space today. I’m disappointed in myself for letting my knee get the best of me, but at the same time I know that everyday isn’t going to be great. I also know that it may be just as healthy to have days like this. I know this isn’t going to be easy. I’m proud of the way I fought for the day. I woke up today, smiled today, I received a box of Godiva chocolates, I spent time with my family, it was a beautiful day in Indy, I bent my knee to 60 degrees, and I managed to paint my toenails.

While I was reading my book yesterday there was a reference to Job in the bible. As I mentioned, I was reading the chapter about how God gets our attention. The author said that sometimes our greatest disappointments in life are God’s attention-getters. Job was in a mess of trouble and disaster. His wife was making fun of him and mocked him by saying, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9) Job responded, “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10) Wow! That verse just sat with me. It was so insightful. I already accepted God’s plan and I thank Him in triumph and tribulation. God has blessed me in ways that I don’t even know. How dare I not accept anything God places in front of me? I’m thankful that God loves me enough to get my attention...

Hey y'all! I just wanted to fill you in on Shy-Knee-Qua and what I've been up to for the last week! I went to the doc yesterday for my 2 week appointment. I had a great visit. I finally got my crusty staples out...lol! I'm so glad because those things have been itching like crazy. My first question to Doc was what am I supposed to do about this scar?! He recommended 2 ointments to put on my scar: Mederma and Scar-guard. Needless to say, the pharmacy was my first stop leaving the doc. Goodness, that ointment was $30 apiece! It better work for that kind of money! It's a small price compared to my absolute horror of showing this scar to anyone...yuck! And, it's the summer...boo! I guess I have to get used to the idea of having it with me forever. :-) Oh! Finally, I can get my whole leg wet in the shower! My leg hasn't been completely cleaned in 2 weeks...ha! We call it my "Stanky Leg" Lmbo!

I walked into the appointment with one crutch, with the intent of leaving it behind. Doc said my knee looked great and I was healing very nicely. He said that if I felt comfortable walking around without my crutches, then go for it. He said if I'm around a lot of people, take my crutch just so I'll have some space. People tend to move away from people with crutches. No problem, Doc! I can do that! Not needing my crutches, being able to move around a little more, and getting my leg wet has really encouraged me. I feel like I'm progressing. One day at time, I conquer something new. It may be as small as sleeping on my side instead of my back. Whatever it is, I'm definitely motivated! I'm so thankful, I'm crutch-free!

After my appointment with Dr. Klootwyk, I had physical therapy. I was ready for PT. Mark, my physical therapist, was very pleased with my knee and progress thus far. We did some exercises that involved firing my quad. (tightening my quad muscle) The part that I don't really look forward to is when we bend my knee. Our goal was bending it to about 45 degrees. It was painful but we made it. I know this isn't going to be easy. This cliche is so perfect: no pain, no gain. One of my exercises managed to pinch a tear out. Mark said we had one more to go and he pushed me hard. I want to be pushed. I told him to do one more after that one. Don't worry about these tears I'll be fine. These tears aren't emotional, these exercises are just painful. I'm tough though, whatever it takes. I think once I'm able to bend my knee on my own and naturally, it'll be smooth sailing. I'm not sure if I told you, but when doc repaired my knee, he had to put a cable in my knee to sustain the tendon and make sure it heals correctly. In 6 weeks, I'll will have that cable removed. Doc said it won't set me back at all. When the cable is removed, I'll be able to dive all the way into rehab and getting back on the court. With the cable in my knee, I can only bend it to about 90 degrees. It will probably take about 2 weeks to get it to 90. I'm not there yet, in due time.

Omg! I am the last person on this earth that should be bed ridden. I have been so bored out of my mind it's not even funny. You can only watch so much tv in a day! I can't sit still without this injury. One thing I can say is my doggie Prince has been right by my side. I love that lil guy! Ok, I'm digressing. Today was huuuuge for me because I went to the gym to lift!! I did a light upper body lift. I wanted to do some abs but I stood there for like 5 minutes trying to figure out how I would maneuver myself to lay down on the mat without having something to hold on to. Then I wondered how I would get up if I did manage to make it down there...lol! So I decided to do them when I got home. Um...yeah...about those abs...

I was in the gym today! Man I miss the beans out of the gym! There is no way I can go to a gym and not touch a ball, no matter how much I try to fight it. I guess I'm just a gym rat. I got a few shots up and that was like heaven. I was trying to figure out what I can start working on right away and it's looking like form shooting, free throws, and stationary ball handling. I'm excited, I just want to move around and exercise. I just want this quest back to the court to be as smooth as possible. I know now more than ever that I will play basketball until the wheels fall off, whether it's professionally or recreationally. I love playing ball, that's for sure. There's nothing like sitting out when you're injured. It's horrible. My prayer is that I play again. My prayer is the God's will will be done. Honestly, I'm praying that it is in His plan. I'm thanking Him in advance either way. If He would take something away from me that means so much, surely He would bless me with something greater. I was always taught and believed in thanking and praising God in triumph and in trials. I know that my blessing is coming and my very injury might be a blessing in disguise. I don't know how it will manifest itself, but I know soon He will reveal His plan. That's exciting! I'm eager to know what's next? I'm thankful. I'm hopeful.

I do think about the moment I am cleared from my doc to play. I think my biggest hurdle will be getting over the fear of getting hurt again. I think this subject by itself will have its own blog post when that time comes. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...

Congrats to the Chicago Sky for winning their pre-season opener against Minnesota. I miss everything. I miss that "team" environment. I miss the grind, practice, traveling, teammates, everything. I miss my livelihood. I handled today pretty well though, in my opinion. That feeling of envy that I had last week at the start of training camp has subsided for now. I wouldn't be surprised if it showed up again when I get to watch a game in person, or when I go to up to Chicago to visit, or when the season officially starts. It's all love though. There's not a negative bone in my body. I just miss ball. Go Sky!

Chicago will release me soon. That sucks by itself. I totally understand though. This is a business. I can't contribute this season. The roster spots are down to 11. The season is so long and strenuous, players are going to get hurt (unfortunately). As a general manager, there's no question. I appreciate the Sky staff for keeping on the roster this long. It may not seem like a big deal but as I said, this is a business. So often, teams dispose of players like yesterday's garbage, respectfully. I'm blessed that I played for an organization that cared about me totally, as a person and not just an employee. That meant so much to me. The Sky staff has reached out to me a number of times and they have made me feel like I was still a part of the team. I would hate to imagine how I would have felt if they treated me differently. I'm very thankful and blessed for that because I'm a relationship type of person. I'm a people person and I love building great relationships. As the team traveled to Minnesota, Tamera Young sent me a message telling me that she saved my seat on the bus. I almost cried! Lol! I'm such a punk! Thanks, Tammy, that meant more than you know...

xoxo

Shy

Training camp starts on Sunday. I’m laid up in my bed. Usually, around this time of the year, I’d be packing and getting myself together for training camp. I already made arrangements to drive up to Chicago on Friday, it’s just 2 1/2 hours. I was looking forward to seeing everyone again and meeting the new faces. We’re staying in new apartments this year. We’re playing in All-State Arena. We’ve made some promising off-season additions to the team. I had some projects lined up with Sky CR and PR. I think this season could be our best yet. The only thing is that I won’t be contributing. I won’t get to share in what I know will be a great season for the Sky. There is a lump in my throat. This is the first time I’ve actually gotten emotional since I ended my pity party a week and a half ago. I’m not going to cry, though. I think it would be disrespectful to God, His promise, and what he has in store for me. It’s hard not to think about the “woulda, coulda, shoulda’s.”

I don’t know what do with myself. I’ve been doing the exact same thing for 5 years. This interruption in my routine has thrown me completely off track. There goes my control issues again. I want to play. I want to be with my team. It’s always hard leaving home and going to training camp but it’s so easy at the same time. I see my friends and colleagues commenting on Twitter and FB about how they’re ready to go and gearing up for training camp. Everyone is packing and arriving in their respective WNBA cities. I don’t want to use the word jealous. I’m not that, I’m very much a part of WNBA. I want to make sure I convey this feeling correctly. I guess I envy my colleagues for their health and ability to join their teams and participate in training camp. Thankfully, I’m encouraged. I know that God’s plan is most important and it was pretty arrogant of me to think that I had a say in this. I trust God completely. I remember thinking, this is bad timing. Then, immediately after that I thought, well who’s time am I on? I lost sight of that. God has a way of bringing you back to your center when you’ve lost focus on what He has placed in front of you. Well, I hear you, Father, loud and clear! Ha! Use me and let Your will be done.

I went to the doctor today. It was my first appointment since my surgery last Friday. Doc said my knee looked great. I can’t wait to get these crusty staples out of my knee. He said we can handle that next week. I’m weight-bearing now! Praise Him! Doc showed me how to walk using my crutches as support, moving a little faster! He said depending on how comfortable I am, I can ditch at least one of my crutches, if not both, next week. I’ll definitely be in my brace for a few more weeks, though. I’m cool with that, it provides stability for me. I have to learn to trust Shy-Knee-Qua again. I met my physical therapist and we did a few exercises. The goal for next week is to be able to bend my knee at 45 degrees. I’m working on firing my quads and my range of motion. I’m not going to overdo it but I want to stay on my physical therapist’s schedule. I also took my first shower. OMG! That was great. It was no easy task but I am proud of my progress thus far. I’m just taking it one day at a time...

xoxo

Shy

Lord, forgive me, but I’m too vain for this injury...

I really don’t want to get fat.  I know that is a very vain statement considering what I’m going through but dang it, I really don’t want to get fat!!!  When you’re not only used to exercising daily, but  you're paid to exercise daily, how is that not a major concern? The thought of sitting on my butt for months is sooooo scary. I won’t have any problems eating or anything, I love food way too much.  But, this is definitely gonna be a test of my restraint.  I usually eat anything I want because I work out so much.  I mean as I've gotten older, I have paid more attention to what I put in my body.  How easy will it be to just sit around and eat all day.  Don’t get me wrong I would love to do it.  I’m just way too vain...lol! It would be great if I could lose weight during this process rather than gaining.  My appetite has been minimal anyway.  Sometimes I have to force myself to eat.  I’m just not hungry and that is not normal for me...lol! I love to eat. Seriously though, I have to be smart about this.  I’m already behind with this injury so, I need to make sure that I put myself in the healthiest situation to get back on the court.  I don’t want to add any extra work to my agenda.  So it will be important for me to maintain a healthy weight while I’m immobile.  I can’t wait to burn some calories.  I don’t care what I do...I just wanna burn some calories.  

Mr. Doctor, thank you so much for repairing my knee.  Question: What is up with this enormous scar?!?!  Doesn’t he know I’m a fashionista?  I can’t show my legs with what looks like a train track running down my knee.  I measured the scar, it’s a good 6 inches.    I have to show these beautiful legs.  My agent was joking with me saying that next on her to-do list is getting an endorsement deal with Neosporin. Excuse me if I don’t laugh.  Let’s go lady! Get to it!  She was joking, but I’m serious, you need to get on that!!! I don’t care who: Neosporin, cocoa butter, vitamin E, whatever will help the appearance of that fugly scar.  I don’t need the reminder, honey, I’ll remember.  People keep saying, “oh it will remind you of your perseverance and strength.”  I appreciate it yall, but I’m good.  I will always remember this.  I don’t need the scar to jog my memory...lol! The thought of sweats and sneakers for the next 6 months is unbearable.  Oh, how I adore preparing my summer and spring wardrobe!  I guess I’ll be saving some money this summer, which is always a plus.  I’ll tell u one thing, when this is all over.  I’m gonna buy myself an awesome gift! I guess I’ll be vicariously living through my Styles by M.E. clients.  When am I gonna be able to wear heels again?  I always wear heels.  They’re like my trademark--nothing less than 4 inches. My shoe game is bonkers by the way. But, that’s neither here nor there.  I wont be wearing them anytime soon... 

What is this nonsense my mother is talking about? No she did not just tell me to make sure that I move around and change positions in my bed so that don’t have skin breakdown.  What the french is skin breakdown? Bed sores? I’m gonna have bed sores?? This is ridic! I’ll definitely be actively sleeping...

Have you ever used a bed pan?? I would hope that everyone reading this will never, ever have to use a bed pan.  Oh, it’s disgusting! I had to spend the night at the hospital when I had surgery last friday.  When I woke up, I asked the nurse where the bathroom was?  She said that doctor wanted me to use a bed pan.  You’re joking, right?  She returned with what looked like a toddler’s potty training seat and a pee pad that my doggie, Prince Diva Delicious uses.  Uh, what do I do again?  I’ll spare you the details but what’s crazy is I felt bad for the nurse!  Omg! Who wants to collect used bed pans???  Yuck...

My butt is gonna be lopsided when this is all over.  Man, my left butt cheek is on fire from all of the overcompensation of my right leg.  I mean my whole left hip/butt burns!! Kinda funny...

xoxo

Shy